The Tug to Do More

I have always needed to write. My home is filled with journals, most of them not finished, scraps of paper with thoughts of the moment and cards filled with words of wisdom. Writing is how I tap into my soul.

As I begin this experiment for the month of September, it is no wonder that I am compelled to write. Not for anyone but myself. I decided to make this an open journal, one that helps me to grow and perhaps may be of support for others. I have also committed that I will be on social media long enough to post my blog and sign off once again. I do not want to be captured and held hostage by the desire to see how my work is performing. Setting myself free from the addiction of “likes” is part of this journey.

Today is Day 3 of my intentional pause and I am feeling better than I have the last couple of days. Pausing when you have been traveling full speed for many years is like being the engine on a speeding train and then hitting the brakes and having all the cars come crashing into you. Sounds dramatic but it is really how it has felt. Trying to allow the tug of doing to be there and not react to it. Allowing it to be and just watching how my body responds to it. It just wants to move, get something done and be productive. So, I watched it and sat in stillness anyway.

This doesn’t mean I sat around and dazed into the heavens. What I am attempting to do is to be true to the moment, connect with nature and be a part of it, not wanting anything from it just to be immersed in it.

Yesterday I took a long walk in the woods with my dog and let myself wander, going where my feet took me. Ironically, the woods I walked are just 5 minutes away and I have only visited them once in the 14 years I have lived here. I have passed them many times on my way to somewhere else, always thinking I should visit them. This time I drove by and stayed. It was so nice not to be on a schedule and just be. My dog was certainly happy, and I honestly think she was smiling.

Returning home, I spent the rest of the day reading and looking out the window watching the grass that I should be mowing, grow. Is the tug “to do” still there? For sure and what I am learning is that it is ok for the urge, the tug to move forward to be there, I just do not have to react to it.